Thanks to your generosity, over the past 35 years we have helped over 5000 women and children.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
AM I A VICTIM?
COUPLE’S ARGUMENT OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
It can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between an argument and abuse. There are important elements which differentiate the two.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE |
ARGUMENT | |
|---|---|---|
SEEKING TO EXERT POWER OVER ANOTHER | YES Use of different forms of violent behaviour with the intention of dominating so the other becomes submissive. | NO It is the expression of differing views between partners. It is not power at stake, but rather the subject, even if it has the possibility of becoming emotionally charged. Each person tries to convince the other. |
INTENTION | POWER AND CONTROL Violence is the chosen method to obtain power. It is a premeditated act. The perpetrator uses strategies and excuses to achieve what he wants. | CONVINCING The problem to be solved is the cause of the conflict and not the pretext. The intention is clear: convince the other. The stakes and intentions are clear for both partners. |
PERSISTENCE | YES The violence persists over time and can be defined by a model because it is cyclical and recurring. | NO The conflict is sporadic, even if the source of conflict can return. There is no persistence or cyclical pattern. |
IMPACT | One person seeks to exert power by all means, forcing the other to submit. The other person feels the impacts of the crisis: there is clearly a victim. Powerlessness and fear are instilled. | Both parties can act and express themselves freely. |
AM I IN A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP?
The cycle of the violence consists of four stages through which abusive behaviour is perpetuated. These stages explain the vicious cycle of domestic violence and allow us to identify the partner’s behaviour at every stage of the cycle as well as the consequences on the victims. The cycle of the violence is a process that can be complex and subtle. The intensity of the cycle varies during the relationship and from one couple to the another.
WITH YOUR PARTNER…
- You often feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
- He tries to distance you from your family or friends.
- He blames you for everything and does not take responsibility for his actions.
- He can phone you several times during the day to know what you are doing and who you are with.
- He can behave in very cruel ways and then claim that you are too sensitive or that you have no sense of humour.
- You are sometimes afraid of what he could do when you have a dispute so you stop discussing.
- He insists on having sexual relations with you and you cannot refuse otherwise it becomes a dispute.
DO YOU CATCH YOURSELF SAYING…
- “It’s my fault … I knew it, I shouldn’t have provoked him.”
- “It’s me who started. “
- “There must be a reason for this violence.”
- “If he stopped drinking, it would be so different.”
- “If he didn’t consume as much, he wouldn’t lose control.”
- “If he found a job or if his job was less stressful, he would be less preoccupied and calmer.”
- “If only the kids didn’t misbehave, he could rest.”
- “He loves me so much, it’s normal that he’s jealous.”
If you recognize yourself in one or more situations, contact us to see and discuss.