Against the violence against women

12 Signs to Recognize Coercive Control

• “Do you have something to hide?”

  Simon gets angry because Juliette refuses to share her passwords.

  Simon insists on having access to Juliette’s social media accounts, claiming that’s how it worked in his previous relationship. She has nothing to hide but wants to protect her privacy.

  Forcing a partner to reveal their digital privacy is a form of coercive control. 

  

• “Are you going out again?”

  Zack makes Émy feel guilty because she goes out without him.

  Zack regularly criticizes her for going out alone, implying that she is neglecting their relationship. He accuses her of spending too much time with her friends and asks her to limit her outings.

  Using guilt to pressure her into changing her behavior is a form of coercive control. 

  

• "She spends too much."

  Amine explains why he controls Annie's spending.

  Under the pretext that Annie has a problem, Amine controls the couple's finances and transfers her an allowance each week.

  Financial control is a form of coercive control. 

  

• “How would you know?”

  Maxime mocks Camille’s advice.

  Every time she offers an idea or advice, Maxime belittles her by downplaying her skills. By ridiculing her words, he gradually undermines her confidence.

  Repeated belittling is a form of coercive control.

  

• “Francis wants to come eat with us.”

  Francis never lets Nisa go out alone.

  Since she has been in a relationship with him, my sister has struggled to maintain our family traditions. Francis insists on being present at every gathering, preventing her from spending time alone with me.

  Restricting access to family relationships is a form of coercive control.

  

• “Is this what you’re going to wear?”

  Mathieu criticizes Sophie’s outfit again.

  Mathieu systematically criticizes Sophie’s clothing choices. Gradually, her personality fades: she now dresses for him, rather than for herself.

  Belittling a partner over their appearance is a form of coercive control.

  

• “You’re always crying over nothing.”

  Olivier dismisses Marianne’s emotions.

  Every time Marianne expresses her sadness or worries, Olivier disregards them. She increasingly doubts the legitimacy of her feelings.

  Belittling a partner’s emotions is a form of coercive control.

  

• “He just wants to sleep with you.”

  Malik opposes Sofia’s friendship with Mateo.

  Malik questions the very idea of a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, implying it is inappropriate. Naomi has been friends with Mateo for a long time, but she wonders if she should stop seeing him.

  Preventing a partner from maintaining certain friendships is a form of coercive control.

  

• “Don’t talk about us!”

  Mario tries to control information.

  When Diane told me about the difficulties she is facing with Mario, he became angry. His behavior pushes her to isolate herself from her support network.

  Restricting freedom of speech is a form of coercive control.

  

• “No way. It’s expensive and useless!”

  Sébastien limits Véronique’s treatment options.

  Véronique wants to see a healthcare professional, but Sébastien refuses, claiming it is expensive and pointless. He imposes his decisions at the expense of his partner’s well-being.

  Restricting access to healthcare is a form of coercive control.

  

• “You’ve let yourself go since the baby.”

  Antoine criticizes Noémie’s appearance at a dinner with friends.

  Since the birth of their child, Antoine implies that Noémie is neglecting herself. His public criticism makes everyone uncomfortable.

  Humiliating a partner in public is a form of coercive control.

  

• “You ruining our day again !”

  Jacques makes Louise feel guilty when she expresses her sadness.

  Every time she shows her sadness, Jacques accuses Louise of ruining the mood. She no longer dares to express her thoughts.

  Making a partner feel guilty for their emotions is a form of coercive control.